spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
