Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
