he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
