Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
