Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
