i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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