Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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