Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
