Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
