I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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