I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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