Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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