Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
