Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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