I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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