2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
