Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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