fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
