You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
