Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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