I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
