I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
