im about as happy as oj after his trial
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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