So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
