I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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