He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
