i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
