would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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