What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
