idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
