my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
