I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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