There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
