I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
