I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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