There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
