): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
