Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
