There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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