she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
