they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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