some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
