If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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