2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
