I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
