Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
