Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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