Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
