i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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