haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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